Recycled Goods
by Z. Alexander
Summary: Okay, so Nobodies technically aren't supposed to exist. They couldn't get next lives, since they didn't have first ones. But that's okay; they found each other anyway. They had to clear up a few misunderstandings, but who says everything's easy? AkuRoku.


This was supposed to be my thing for the day of Roxas and Axel, but once I figured out how to set up my computer, I had to leave and I've just now gotten back. So here it is, two hours past twelve...but at least I _wrote _it on the thirteenth of August. This is set when Roxas is fifteen and Axel is seventeen, so obviously there isn't any intense _intimacy..._just so you know. They _are _in high school, but this is _not _a 'high school' fic; and yes, this is a 'next-life' thing, which is _very _common (almost _too _common), but the idea entertained me so much I had to write it anyway.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Zheyne. She didn't own Kingdom Hearts. The end. (Duly disclaimed.)

* * *

_**So**_ here's how it is.

People like me…shouldn't have gotten 'next lives,' because we never had a first one. Honestly, we _didn't _get reborn; we got _recycled. _And believe you me…when I suddenly got all these freaky memories when I was sixteen, it was weird.

_Now, _of course, I understand. I was sixteen when I lost my heart; so, it makes sense that my memories would come back at sixteen. This time around, I _have_ a heart – it's pretty cool.

So a couple months into my senior year, when Roxas showed up at school wearing all black, fifteen years old, and still as sullen as before…I was kind of afraid he didn't remember. _He, _if you remember correctly, wasn't the same _kind_ of Nobody as I was. He _had _a heart, an Other who was actually still around. So really, I _was _expecting _him _to get another chance at life…just as _Sora._

Imagine how surprised I was when the first words out of his mouth were "Damn you, insensitive bastard."

To make it clear, I was pretty much not surprised at all. He'd always had a skewed view of things; _hello? _Who was the one who just _waltzed_ away? Who was the one who _forgot?_

I'll tell you, it wasn't me. _I _committed _him _to memory. _I _had more of a right than _he _did to use the words 'insensitive bastard.' And…I didn't even know what he was _talking _about.

Now that I think back on it, the _smart _thing to do would've been to keep my mouth shut. But because I'm _me, _and because I pretty much _always _get the last word in the end (Roxas is really the only one who noticed and fought me on that, by the way), I came back with, "Look who's talking, asshole? I _killed _myself for you! Or did you forget _that, _too?"

He was fuming by this time; everyone in the immediate vicinity decided it would be best to press themselves against the lockers in the hallway. For some reason, they didn't think it was a problem to watch the fight between the school's resident charmer and the new kid, who seemed to hate me more than anyone has hated anything, ever.

I wanted to set them on fire, but I didn't think it appropriate for the situation. I _do _have a sense of self-preservation, thanks. Don't laugh; Roxas is the only one who can make me forget about it.

"I never _asked _for that," he growled. "You did that all on your own. I have every reasonto _hate_ you right now."

"Well go ahead and _hate me then," _I retorted, my voice lowering to a hiss. "You would've broken my heart back then, if I'd had one; you still broke everything else. My trust…my sense of purpose…you _stole _everything. Go ahead and hate me, so I can hate you back."

He grabbed my collar and pulled me down to eye level. "That's easy for _you _to say! I _don't _hate you, which makes me _hate _you! I _can't _hate you, and…augh! I _hate_ you!"

Just then, before I could process what he'd said, a _way_ too familiar brunet with blue eyes came round the corner with a pile of books. "Roxas? Are you…what are you _doing?"_

Roxas pushed me away roughly. "I'm fighting with this _asshole;_ do you _mind?"_

Sora (it couldn't have been _anyone _else) frowned. "Do you _want _to be grounded again? Why must you pick a fight with _everyone?"_

I raised an eyebrow. _This, _coming from the kid who killed almost every associate I had, and probably lived the rest of his life happily, and without regrets?

I opened my mouth.

"Don't," Roxas hissed at me. "He doesn't remember."

I turned a nasty glare on him. "We're not finished, Thirteen. We _will _speak later."

For one split second, he looked like I'd slapped him in the face with a very large, very smelly dead fish. Then, he regained his composure and replied, coolly, "Very well, Eight. I look forward to it."

Really, I thought I could die right there. Instead, I folded my arms and gave him a cocky smirk, the one which promised all sorts of Bad Shit. I knew he knew I knew he knew that look, and he knew I knew he knew I knew.

Needless to say, the slight purse of the lips and the jerk of the head was a _definite _challenge. And then (and I was _sure _he did this just to spite me), he smiled at Sora. _Smiled, _at _Sora. _It was a _nice _smile. He did it in _front _of me!

"Sorry," he said. "I knew this guy a while ago, and he's a total jerk."

The frown which Sora threw at me made me want to laugh, or maybe cry, or maybe just kidnap Roxas and force him to remember that Sora was Our Enemy. (He wasn't, but I was willing to overlook that because damn it, Roxas was cheating.)

Instead, I grinned at him and faced the (very confused) spectators. "Hope you enjoyed the show!"

It didn't matter if they thought I was insane or not, because I really didn't care about any of them. Roxas was _still _the only one I liked; I just got on better with the others now.

Still…high school was definitely worse torture than anything I'd ever heard of, and I found amusement in making people do what I wanted. So for the sake of my sanity, I made it seem like a little act.

People can be _so _stupid sometimes.

* * *

After school, Roxas cornered me at my locker and dragged me out by my collar; or rather, he _tried _to, but I removed his hand and walked beside him. It just wouldn't _do _to be seen trudging after a short blond kid who was supposedly a lead role in the 'play' I was doing.

I hadn't said anything about that, actually, but that was the story going round the school and why would I correct them? This was between me and Roxas.

He dragged me behind the building and folded his arms, narrowing his eyes. "Speak."

"Arf," I replied flippantly.

"You're the one who wanted to talk to me," he reminded. "Or did you not bother to commit your own words to memory?"

I snorted. "You think you're so _witty, _don't you? Do you even…do you _realize _what the hell you're _doing?"_

"I'm waiting for you to speak."

There were a lot of things I could've – and probably _should've – _said at that point. But hey…actions speak louder than words, right?

I caught him up in my arms, making sure he couldn't get away, and kissed him.

* * *

I like kissing Roxas. I always have. I always will. Even those two times before he left and I got recycled, I liked it. Please don't ask how a Nobody can _like_ anything; I _will _rip your tongue out and feed it to your neighbor's dog.

Anyway, dealings with Roxas had _never, ever _been 'gentle.' In all honesty, I would've hated them if they were. _Roxas _isn't a very gentle person, you know. It would almost be like lying…which isn't something I hate, obviously, since I do it all the time. But lying about kisses is just…horrible. Like, Maleficent and Donald Duck making out in a hot tub horrible. So when Roxas kissed me back gently, I pretty much died inside and shoved him away.

"_Don't _do this to me," I muttered. "Leave me alone if you're gonna be a jackass."

"I'd be glad to," he answered, sounding suspiciously husky. He didn't have a _cold _last time I checked. "I'd rather not kiss a stupid idiot like you."

And that was that.

At least…until Tuesday.

* * *

Apparently, Roxas was some kind of genius or something, because he was fifteen and already a senior. And because the Fates think it's just _hilarious _to cackle at others' misfortune, he was in _all three _of my B-day classes.

When he walked into my first class, physics, I wanted to melt into a little puddle and sell myself as genuine Mystery Goo. Not that anyone knew what that _was, _any more, but it would kind of be true; I'd be goo, and no one would know what the goo was, so it would be a mystery.

But that's kind of off-topic, and stupid besides. When Mr. Wasden (the oddest teacher I've _ever _had) saw me watching Roxas, he smiled. It was apparent to me, at the time, that he didn't see Roxas glaring back; it was probably because Roxas had his back to the blackboard.

And Mr. Wasden said the words I'd been simultaneously hoping for and hoping not to hear:

"Oh, you two must know each other. Why don't you work together? I was going to put the whole class in pairs for this lesson anyway."

Roxas' murderous glare was almost equally matched by the combined murderous glares of my admirers. (Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out where they came from, too; maybe it's, like, red-button syndrome. You know...don't push the red button. And you want to, just because you can't...and my hair is red, and if you pull it I will probably go off on you, and...whatever. I'm probably wrong anyway.)

Mr. Wasden seemed not to notice the glare(s).

"Sit with your partner, Roxas," the teacher said cheerfully. Just then I felt like glaring too…but I didn't, because I didn't want to copy Roxas. I was _original, _damn it.

Roxas huffed and glared pointedly at the girl beside me.

_Oh, sucks to be you._

"Ah, Ana, why don't you come sit with Marie, and let Roxas sit down," our teacher said in that same cheerful voice.

Ana, the girl who'd apparently sat beside me all that time, stood and collected her things, and stalked over to sit by a girl I recognized as someone who didn't care about anything. She was tolerable.

Roxas sat down and refused to look at me.

"Now then. I want you all to think back to last week's lesson on Newton's three laws of motion. Now, I want you to partner up with someone and come up with five examples with your partner, and present them on Friday. Get talking."

Predictably, nearly every hand shot up. And, equally predictably, Roxas' didn't, though he had a near-homicidal glint in his eye.

"Yes, Leon," Mr. Wasden said. Roxas' head flipped around quickly when the student spoke, and I realized quite jealously that Roxas recognized the student. There really wasn't a reason to be jealous, but I was anyway.

"What, exactly, is the point of this?"

"Point? Who says I need a _point? _I'm taking a break from teaching, and you should be grateful; you're taking a break from real homework. Now, get talking."

After all the hands went down, Roxas spoke up calmly. "You mean to tell me I have to spend _two days _sitting next to Ax-Ei-uh-this _jerk?"_

"Oh no," our teacher replied pleasantly. "Just four hours, and even then, it's not all at the same time."

"I'd like to switch partners. Can I work with Leon or someone instead?"

Never mind. Leon could go die a glorious, flaming death.

"Nope…sorry, but you'll work with Axel."

Roxas narrowed his eyes. "Why, exactly, must I do that, sir?"

Ooh. He was being _Extremely_ _Polite. _That was even worse than my Bad Shit smirk, which was Saying Something. Capitals say it _all, _you know.

"Because you two obviously have some sort of problem with each other. If you work together, at least you won't bother the unfortunate souls you accidentally hit with your hate-filled stares, because you're sitting next to each other. And, to be perfectly honest, I find it extremely amusing to see Mr. Firaga wriggle like a worm. You're the first person I've met who can excite him so, Roxas. I will enjoy this immensely."

…And Mr. Wasden could die in that fire too.

Roxas snorted and whispered, "Axel Firaga. How charming."

"Yeah? Well, what's _your _surname, Thirteen?"

There it was again; that smelly dead fish look. I really hated that look already. But again, it was gone very quickly; he folded his arms across his chest and raised a condescending eyebrow. Well…the _eyebrow _wasn't condescending, itself, but you get the point.

"Better than yours."

"What _is _it?"

He didn't respond.

"Maybe I'll just ask _Sora," _I needled meanly.

"Leave my brother _out _of this," he hissed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never thought I'd see you pick Sora over me. Oh, wait, you already _did."_

"And I never thought I'd see you do something so stupid," he muttered, averting his eyes. They were, for some reason, shinier than a Shiny Crystal. "But obviously, we both thought wrong. Then, and now."

It was then it occurred to me that maybe Roxas wasn't _angry. _

But what was I supposed to do about _that? _I didn't know _anything._

"What's your surname," I asked again, mostly to end the awkward silence.

"…Hart," he said, after a few moments of silence. He was quite pointedly not looking at me now. I actually kind of felt bad for him.

"Nice," I mocked. And then, just to be an ass, I leaned in and added, "Roxie."

He demonstrated Newton's first law of motion by pushing me off my chair.

* * *

Our next class was math, which was kind of boring but at least Miss Green wasn't a sadistic bitch. I was already planning Mr. Wasden's demise. It would be so simple…all I had to do was trap him inside a ring of fire…of course, I'd cut him to ribbons too, because I could…

"Axel," Miss Green called, and I realized I'd been zoning out for the last half-hour. "If you think you're ready for our test on Friday, why don't you demonstrate your proficiency by solving what I've written here?"

I glanced at the blackboard and thanked whatever higher beings looked after recycled Nobodies for giving me an odd aptitude for math.

Sure, it took about six or seven minutes, since my brain was off in la-la land instead of the classroom, but when I wrote the last bit (three-x plus one over x-squared plus four-x plus two), I was confident in my answer and so was Miss Green.

"Well done. You may sit down, Axel…and try to keep your head out of the clouds and in the classroom from now on. Next time, I'll just give you the test."

A quick look at Roxas, who had apparently sat beside me, showed that he wasn't the one snickering; in fact, his face seemed a little pasty.

He nudged a note in my direction, and out of sheer _surprise,_ I opened it.

_I hate partial fractions._

Fortunately, I was fluent in Roxasish, so I knew that was his version of 'Axel, save me!'

Unfortunately, for him at least, he wasn't off the hook.

_Sucks to be you. Tell me._

I didn't get a reply, not even during our lunch break halfway through the class.

* * *

Our next (and final) class was jazz band, which was a weird class because it used _every _instrument. If you were good enough to make it in, you could play your instrument of choice if you converted the music to suit it. It was cool, since I played the violin.

Roxas had never been particularly interested in music; he was more physical, and I'm not just talking about intimacy…I didn't know about that. I was curious to see how this would turn out.

I _had _forgotten one pretty important detail, though…

And when Roxas actually greeted Demyx cordially (or at least, he didn't glare and call Demyx an insensitive bastard), I wanted to cry. Or, again, kidnap Roxas and remind him that we were supposed to be Together.

"Roxas," Demyx said in a surprised voice, managing to give him a small grin despite the end Roxas essentially gave him. "I wasn't sure you would make it."

"Well, here I am."

Roxas didn't even _like _Demyx, but he smiled at _him, _too!

"Well…how _did _you make it," he asked, dropping his book bag onto the floor and taking a seat next to Roxas on the other side. "I thought you'd…you know…"

"I didn't die as Sora," Roxas muttered.

He never told _me _that. Well…I hadn't asked. But how was I supposed to ask stuff like that, when Roxas was being all…Roxas-like, with a healthy dash of Freaky PMS Girl?

I was jealous, and considered setting Demyx on fire too. But it would've been pretty pointless, and Roxas would hate me for sure.

"Oh yeah? But I thought…did he lose his heart again?"

"Of _course _not," he snapped. Several heads turned our way and Roxas lowered his voice again. "We just…separated. We _had _to. It…didn't end when…uh…you know…when you all disappeared."

At this, Demyx tried to scowl fiercely, but he just didn't have the right sort of face for it. Demyx could be pretty scary…occasionally. But his face was just too soft to properly convey a dark mood.

"Yeah, Roxas. We _stopped existing, _because _someone _had to go looking for his _Other."_

"What would _you _have done? If you had no idea who you were…and then you found out that your Other was alive…that you had a chance to find out who you were, where you came from…why you _felt _things…wouldn't you have done the same?"

Demyx opened his mouth, paused, and closed it again. He sighed. "I guess. Still, you didn't have to _join up _with him."

"I didn't have a _choice. _You think _I _wanted to disappear, either? No, I just wanted answers. But Sora's little friend knocked me out and put me in a computer and _took away my memories. _I really thought I was going to disappear too, but…stuff happened, and…uh…I didn't."

Roxas angled himself completely toward Demyx so I couldn't see his face, which kinda made me angry. Demyx made a bewildered face. "Roxas? Are you…"

"Having a real, solid body means getting sick and crap like that," was the snapped response. "In that respect, we were lucky before."

And then came a sniff, and I understood, finally.

_He had allergies._

I tried not to laugh, really I did!

…Okay, so I didn't. It wouldn't have mattered anyway.

"Damn you, Axel," Roxas muttered, and rested his forehead on his palms. "You aren't proving anything here except that you really _are _an insensitive bastard."

"Aww, don't be like that, Roxas."

Guess who that was; you might actually get it right.

Just so you know, it wasn't me. Or Demyx. It was Sora. My hands balled into fists, and Roxas kicked my shin discreetly.

"Hey, Sora. I forgot you had this class too."

"_Someone _has to keep you in line," Sora teased, and the three of us (Roxas, Demyx, and I) tensed. That was _my _line! _Everyone _knew that! Well…everyone who _mattered, _which was really only me and Roxas, but still. Even Demyx knew that.

"It's not like I'm gonna make trouble _here. _I don't even think that's _possible."_

"Well, I like playing too."

Roxas only shrugged, and didn't take his head off his hands.

_Be nice, _I told myself. _Even if it's only an act._

I didn't have a problem with Sora. Really, I didn't. Sora as a person, back in the day, had been impossible _not _to like; but it was the _idea _of Sora I resented. The _idea _of Roxas' Other, swallowing him up like quicksand. Roxas was kind of…un-resent-able. To me, anyway.

So I sucked it up and put on a Smile.

"You're Sora, right? What do you play?"

Sora glanced at me and narrowed his eyes. "You're the guy who was harassing Roxas yesterday, weren't you?"

I shook my head. "I wasn't harassing anyone yesterday. He randomly came up to me and called me names. Of course I wasn't going to stand for it!"

Sora studied me, like he was judging my words. It was kinda creepy, but I kept eye contact. Finally, he sighed and shook his head fondly _(fondly!) _at me. "Well, I apologize for that, then. My understanding was that you were someone who really hurt him some time ago."

Roxas' head shot up and he hissed, "That was a _different _guy, you idiot."

Sora returned the glare. They could've been twins.

Wait…

"You're brothers, right?"

Sora nodded. "Twins."

I blinked. And then I blinked again. So they were _both _freaky genius kids? For want of something to break the silence, I repeated myself. "So what do you play?"

Sora held up a case. "Oboe."

"That's…very unexpected," I replied. This Sora was actually being nice to me, and…well, I just had to keep reminding myself that it _wasn't _the Sora who'd absorbed Roxas, and so 'expectations' were likely to fail in his case.

"What were you _expecting?"_

Now that I thought about it, I had no idea. So I just shrugged.

"Roxas plays the xylophone. He went through this black-and-white checkers phase, and our mom thought it was a great idea to give him piano lessons. But he apparently likes banging on those wood blocks better."

"Sora, don't say stuff like that. You'd be embarrassing me if I actually cared."

"Aww, Roxas, I think it's adorable," Demyx said, ruffling Roxas' hair.

Roxas just batted the hand away, and when Demyx saw my glare he rolled his eyes. "You really went through _that _phase?"

"All the way up until we were fourteen," Sora affirmed. "After that…well, he just started wearing black all the time. At first, we thought it was some image thing. But…I guess he just likes it."

Roxas huffed. "Are you guys gonna talk about me like I'm not here forever?"

"You don't ever _talk," _Sora explained. "These guys are pretty cool…and they're obviously nice, since they sit by you even though there are plenty of other seats available and you've got the social skills of a dead rat."

Demyx snorted and flashed Sora a grin. "You're actually pretty cool, this time around. I don't think I have to be mad at _this_ Sora."

Roxas kicked Demyx too.

"Uh…have I met you before," Sora asked cautiously. "Some other people have said they recognize me. In fact, they weren't very nice to me. Am I missing some important part of my memory?"

"No, Sora. These guys are just _idiots," _Roxas muttered. "You've _never met _before. They probably just mistook you for someone else. Some _other _Sora."

Demyx' eyes widened. Roxas sighed. At least Demyx was smart enough to piece it all together…or at least, I hoped that was what happened.

"That's what I thought."

I took this chance to speak up. "So, Sora…you just moved here, right?"

"From Destiny Islands. We had to leave our friends Riku and Kairi and Naminé behind, but they might be coming later this year. Our parents work for the same company."

My fists clenched at the mention of Riku and Naminé. And Kairi, because she was lumped in there and because she was _Kairi._

Roxas kicked me again.

"You shouldn't kick people, Rox. Someday, someone will kick you back."

"Mm, yeah. That'd be nice."

And here was the thing about Roxas; he could say stuff like that, and nobody would really be able to tell if he was joking or not. But I could tell, and apparently, Sora could too.

"You're _so weird,"_ he muttered.

I knew where he was coming from, though. He could _feel _it in _full. _He could _bruise. _If his skin got cut, he'd _bleed. _It was probably really unhealthy, but I was sure we all had that little fixation. We liked to get hurt, because…

Well, because we _could._

"Mind your own business. Besides; Riku is _your _friend. Not _mine."_

I suddenly felt much happier.

Sora looked like he was going to say something, but then, Mr. Krueger breezed through the door and flashed us all a semi-frightening grin.

"Sorry I'm late, class," he said in a cheerful voice which gave me the shivers. This was _bad, _and I _knew _that Roxas was going to probably run Mr. Krueger through with a Keyblade and then try to kill _me _for not warning him. He wouldn't bother with Demyx, because Demyx just happened to be there and _I _was the one Roxas had a problem with.

Mr. Krueger gestured to Roxas and Sora. "We've got _two _new members today! And you all know what that means!"

There were some very ugly snickers in the background. Roxas frowned and gave me the _you're-on-my-capital-L-List_ look.

"I hope you're good at improvisation! Now, pick up your respective instruments and introduce yourselves…with song!"

Okay, so the method was pretty useful. If you couldn't improvise well, you'd pretty much drown in this class; at every concert, Mr. Krueger would randomly point kids out and make them solo for a few measures.

Roxas pushed himself off the step and threw another _Look _at me. Positioning himself in front of the xylophone, he paused for a moment, before shrugging and beginning an almost sickeningly sweet and upbeat tune in C.

I scooted away a little, just in case he could send killer music waves through the air. Not that scooting away would've done me much good, but it was a reflex.

Suddenly, it took an extremely dark tone, moving to A-minor. The pace quickened and the melody he'd improvised would make little kids cry. There was a short pause, and then…

He ended the song with the classic _shave-and-a-haircut _tune in C again, and a clunky set of horrible notes, and that little voice inside told me to hop on the nearest plane to the Bermuda Triangle. But I don't get along with that voice very well, so I didn't listen.

Sora dropped his head into his hands. "Rox," he moaned quietly.

There was a mighty applause. I wondered if everyone there was even _sane…_and then I remembered that they didn't know Roxas was insane.

"Marvelous," Mr. Krueger exclaimed. "Sora! Your turn."

Sora, who had pieced together his oboe during the time Roxas had been trying to frighten the little kiddies, grinned and began playing something I was _sure _I'd heard that one time I tried to use 3D Movie Maker and ended up setting the couch on fire.

Okay, so I'd been a nine-year-old pyrokinetic with a temper problem. But…in my defense, the little animated people just _wouldn't_ do what I wanted, and McZee was really, _really _annoying. At least I hadn't set the _computer _on fire. That…really wasn't the point, though. Sora interrupted the song at random intervals to snap or make some other noise; all in all, it was pretty cool.

But _still…_

"Bleh. _McZee."_

He got applause too. I breathed a sigh of relief – Roxas wasn't going to be kicked out of class, and he wouldn't go on a murderous rampage because _Sora _was kicked out of class (I wasn't sure if that would actually happen, but I was glad the chance wasn't being taken).

But then, Roxas sent me a _Look _and I remembered that I was in Deep Shit.

* * *

"I'll catch up with you at home, Sora," Roxas said dismissively after class was over.

"You sure? Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna talk to Axel."

That light tone was _so _deceptive.

"Okay…just don't be home too late. You can't keep scaring Mom; it's not good for her heart."

Again, Roxas and I stiffened. Demyx probably did too, but I wasn't really paying attention to him.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll be home in time to go over my homework."

"So…nine-thirty or ten?"

"Probably before then, but just tell her ten so…you know."

Sora nodded and waved. "See ya later, Rox."

"Don't _call _me that," he snapped, but Sora just laughed and retreated.

Roxas grasped my wrist tightly with his left hand, and hoisted his bag onto his shoulder with his right hand. "You're _going _to tell me what's _wrong _with you. And _then _you're going to tell me what _was _wrong with you. And _then _you're going to give me answers to other questions. And you _aren't_ getting away until I _get_ my answers." He paused, and then added, "That _wasn't _what you were thinking, by the way. Sora's song. Sounds a lot like it, though...I wonder if he knew that."

I sighed. "Whatever. I don't care about the song, but let's go. I want to spend time with you anyway."

Demyx clapped us both on the shoulders and with an amused grin said, "Keep it clean, kids."

I set his sleeve on fire.

* * *

I should have listened to that little voice. Y'know…the one I don't get along with. See, I may hate it and ignore it most of the time, but it _does _give me useful tips every once in a while.

I hadn't been expecting Roxas to lead me to some abandoned warehouse and summon his Keyblades, but that's exactly what he did. He had something black and white in one hand and something which looked remarkably like my chakrams in the other, and he gave me three seconds to summon my weapons before he closed the distance.

I brought one of my hands up to block the blade…just in time, too.

"What is _wrong _with you, Roxas?"

"I could ask the same question," he growled, jumping away slightly and zipping behind me. Damn…he was still good.

"I wouldn't know how to answer, because I don't know what you're talking about!"

I didn't want to fight him. Honestly, it wasn't the same fighting him if it was serious like this…I had a hard time doing it. But that was obvious; I'd never been able to fight him properly, unless it was all in good fun.

So for now, I only blocked and dodged.

"What makes you think you could just…_do _that shit and get _away _with it?"

I caught the tip of the spiky blade in one of my chakrams and caught the blunt edge with my hand, knocking the black and white blade out of his hand with the other, and I knew just then that he really didn't want to fight me either. He would never have let me do that if _he _was serious.

"Listen, Roxas. I don't know what you're _talking _about, and I don't know why you're trying to fight me when you don't really want to. So instead of freaking out and attacking me, why don't you just be straight with me?"

He summoned the black and white one back to him and clubbed my arm, forcing me to release the spiky one.

"Like _hell _you don't know."

"For _once, _Roxas, stop being such a _bitch _and just _tell me _what your _problem _is!"

The Keyblades disappeared in a flash of light and he stiffened, giving me the most _horrible _Roxas-glare I'd ever been subjected to.

"I see how it is," he muttered. Then, almost defeated, "I see how it is."

And then he was gone.

* * *

When I got home that night, I was _not _in the mood to be nice to _anyone._

Not that I was _normally, _but usually I was pretty good about doing it anyway. There's really no sense in being awful, even to people who piss you off. See, this is the difference between me and your general asshole-next-door; I may hate you, but you won't know until you've served your purpose. So there. I'm giving you a raspberry and everything, because maturity has nothing to do with anything. Besides, you know you like my tongue.

Anyway, I might've gotten in a fight with my dad – which really wasn't common, _honest_ – but he didn't get home until about two in the morning; and by then I was lying on my bed, cursing the abnormally hot weather (when your body temperature is always unnaturally high, you really do treasure the colder weather – or at least, your skin does).

And then, I got the call.

I was…pretty surprised, to say the least, when I heard Sora's worried voice on the other end of the line. Of all the people to call me, I hadn't been expecting _him._

"Axel? I, uh…looked up your number in the student directory…is Roxas with you?"

I frowned. "No. He didn't come home?"

"He hasn't been home since this morning! When did you last see him?"

"About a half hour after school let out."

Sora made a strange not-quite-whiny sound I had really never heard before. "Are you sure you haven't seen him? Did he tell you where he was going? Have you-"

"Sora…this _is_ Sora, right? Even if it's not…calm down. I can't answer questions if you go too fast."

I heard him suck in a breath and release it. "Did he tell you where he was going?"

"No. He just disappeared. I thought he was going home."

"Ugh." There was silence for a moment before Sora said quietly, "You know…back on Destiny Islands, Roxas would randomly disappear, but he'd always come back before midnight. And…we _knew _Destiny Islands, and everyone who lived there. It's not a huge island and it's really safe, you know? Do you…I know he says he hates you, but I can tell he doesn't. And I can tell he's just as special to you as you are to him. I don't know how you know each other or what happened between you, and really, I don't want to ask until we find him. So…will you help me look?"

I had a feeling I knew _exactly _where he was. "Definitely."

"Then…meet me at the school, will you?"

"Well…sure," I replied, pulling on a pair of sandals and a T-shirt. "But I have an idea of where he is, and it would be quicker for me to just go there myself."

Sora hesitated, and then sighed. "I want to know, in case he goes there again. And…we need to talk, Axel."

I swallowed a curse. "Fine. See you in a minute."

I set down the phone and took a deep breath before locking my door and stepping into the darkness, exiting behind the school.

* * *

When I got my memories back, I didn't think I'd be able to use the darkness. _I _thought that since I wasn't a being of darkness any more, the ability wouldn't be there…but apparently, getting a heart wasn't enough. I _remembered, _and it was an _inborn ability; _as long as I had been 'Axel,' I had been able to do it.

As a general rule, I didn't bother with it. But in cases like these, I couldn't help but think it was pretty handy.

Or perhaps not; apparently, Roxas lived right behind the school.

* * *

"I'm not even gonna ask," Sora muttered after he closed the distance between us. "I should've known."

I thought about asking what he meant, but I didn't; Roxas was more important than Sora, even a nicely oblivious Sora who didn't have it out for anyone. Instead, I extended a hand and said, "Okay…this makes it easier then. Come with me. I'm pretty sure I know exactly where he is."

Sora sighed and took my hand immediately. "You'd better be right. Mom would worry if she knew he was missing again."

I pulled him into the darkness and decided to save my questions for later.

* * *

When we stepped out of the darkness and onto the Twilight Town clock tower, my stomach flipped around like and made me feel like a cat in a washing machine. Roxas wasn't there; and he hadn't _been _there all night.

"Um, Axel? He's not-"

"I know. He used to come here all the time," I muttered, not bothering to even _try _to keep the past a secret from Sora. He'd most likely find out sooner or later, anyway. "I know a couple of other spots…but I don't know if that would even _work _here…"

"Hey, listen," Sora said quietly. "I have no idea what you're talking about, and honestly, you kinda sound crazy and this whole teleporting thing is pretty much freaking me out already. But since I'm trying to find my missing brother, I'll take what I can get. Any place you know of is a good place to check."

It occurred to me that Sora was taking this pretty calmly; he hadn't screamed or anything. "Well…maybe we could try Big Ben or Wonderland, if the hole's still there."

"I-"

I took Sora's hand and pulled him into the darkness again, cutting off anything he might've said, and pulled him out onto _another _clock tower.

"I'm dreaming," he muttered to himself. "I'm dreaming, and when I wake up, it'll be because Roxas is pulling my covers off or throwing water on me."

Apparently convinced, Sora nodded at me. "So…why are we here?"

"Roxas likes being high," I explained. "And he always liked the view from up here at night. He said that for some reason, it reminded him of something he couldn't remember properly."

I knew it was most likely because Sora had spent some time here; Roxas always got a bit of déjà vu when he went somewhere Sora felt particularly strongly about. "Anyway," I added, "he's not here. Let's try somewhere else."

I grabbed Sora's hand again, but he stopped me. "How do you _know _he's not here? We didn't even look around."

"I don't need to. I _know."_

He gave me a weird look, but he let me pull him into the darkness again and that was really all that mattered. I wouldn't have been able to explain properly anyway; there was just _something _which told me he was nearby, or if he'd been there recently. I couldn't call it a feeling, since it had been there during my Nobody days, but it was…a sensation maybe?

We stepped out in a large backyard and I shoved any trivial thoughts out of my mind. The hole should've been somewhere around here…

And there it was. I glanced at Sora, who looked increasingly spooked. "You gonna stay conscious? It'd be easier for both of us if I just take you back and look for him myself."

I wasn't going to tell Sora that as soon as I found Roxas, I was going to yell at him and then force him to tell me everything, even if I had to beat it out of him, and then I was going to kiss him again. I had a feeling Sora wouldn't leave me alone if he knew what was really going on.

"I just…don't really like darkness," he admitted. "But Roxas is important, and it's not like the darkness is going to…eat me, or anything."

If only he knew…but he didn't. I gestured to the hole. "You wanna go first, or should I?"

At his blank look, I sighed. "Whatever. I'll go." I got down on my stomach and wriggled into the hole, bracing myself for that falling sensation which would inevitably come.

After the initial drop, I looked up to make sure Sora had followed me into the hole. He had; he was examining the walls like he'd never seen anything like this before. He had a shocked expression on his face, but it wasn't uncomprehending shock; it was more like a _whoa-this-really-does-exist _shock.

Well…Alice's Adventures in Wonderland _was _a real book, so…it wasn't _that _farfetched to think he recognized this.

I noticed him smile a bit at the cupboard with the empty jar of marmalade in it.

Finally, we touched down at the bottom and he looked around, wide-eyed. "So…why would Roxas be here?"

"He thinks the Queen of Hearts is fascinating," I replied honestly. "She's such a vain and miserable woman, despite being the Queen. He never understood how someone who has everything could act like she still has nothing."

I knew Sora wouldn't understand, because he didn't have the knowledge of the past I did. But he took this in stride fairly well. "Okay…this is one crazy dream. Anyway…if Roxas is here, where would he be?"

"Probably sitting on the hedge, watching the Queen make an ass out of herself and anyone who comes in contact with her. I have to say, it _is_ rather amusing."

Sora nodded warily. "Well…lead on, then."

I led the way down the corridor and into the bizarre room, noting that nothing had changed much. I pushed the bed into the wall, picked up the jar that said 'drink me' and took a sip, handing it to Sora before shrinking. He was obviously startled once I started losing height, but he followed my example and soon, we were two tiny people standing by the table.

"You shouldn't drink strange things," I remarked offhandedly, leading him through the hole by the door guarded by the sleeping doorknob.

"It wasn't marked 'poison,' so it was all right," he tossed back. It was unexpected, but relieving, to hear him joke in a position like this.

Well…it _was._ And then I thought about it, and I realized that he was joking because he'd convinced himself this was one huge, fucked up dream. I couldn't really blame him, though; if I hadn't known about this stuff, I would've thought it was a dream too.

Everything was going fine…until we came out on the other side of the passageway.

* * *

"Sora," a blonde girl called. She smoothed out her white apron and closed the distance quickly.

Sora frowned. "Have we met?"

I ground my teeth together. Alice _wasn't _supposed to be here; as far as I knew, she was _dead!_

"I didn't expect to see you here, Alice," I said, sounding pleasant enough. She turned a stern eye on me.

"I didn't think you were going to be here either. I thought you'd died. That boy was _sure _you had…he saw it."

I frowned confusedly. "What?"

"Well," she continued, sounding more cheerful, "Perhaps you only _thought _you died, and _that's _what he saw. After all, I thought _I'd _died as well. I thought I grew up and married and had children and died, but then I woke up here! Isn't it strange? I thought I grew up in a place called 'England.' But the Cheshire cat told me it's known me for as long as I can remember."

And wasn't it just like the Cat, to say things which only made sense if you weren't paying attention? _That _had been a favorite of _mine. _But, I suppose, I was more like the Cheshire cat than anyone else I've ever known.

"Yeah, maybe," I replied. "So…what about that boy you spoke of earlier?"

"What boy? There's only you and Sora, you know. Oh, I quite forgot my manners. It's lovely to see you again, Sora." And here, Alice dropped a curtsey.

Sora nodded awkwardly. "Uh…right. My pleasure?"

"Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten about me already!"

"N-no," Sora said, looking more and more confused. "You're Alice, of course."

It was at this point I started to get frustrated. "Listen…it's nice you've seen each other and everything, but we have to find _Roxas. _Have you seen him, Alice?"

"Oh, not since this morning. Or…was that last week?" She put a finger to her chin. "I can't quite recall."

I grabbed Sora's forearm. "C'mon, Sora. We have to get going; Roxas isn't here anyway."

"Oh, you're leaving already? Well…do have a safe journey. Give my regards to the one you love," she said, and dropped another curtsey before scampering off again.

"The one you love?"

"It's a long story," I ground out. "Let's go."

"Can't you just…you know…teleport us out of here?"

"Do you _want _to go home three inches high?"

Sora blinked. "Point taken."

* * *

We checked the place by the Yellow River where Mulan had first made camp. We searched for Roxas in France. We went to the pride lands in Africa. We went to India. We went to Greece. We went to Italy.

Roxas wasn't there.

Finally, we went to Destiny Islands…even though Sora said Roxas never liked it there.

He wasn't on Destiny Islands either.

I didn't know _what _to do at that point; I didn't want to admit defeat, but I was really out of ideas. If Roxas didn't go anywhere I knew, then I really _didn't _know where he was.

I sat on a low branch, of a tree I didn't recognize, and sighed. "I can't think of anything else."

Sora joined me and blew out a puff of air. I could tell even _he _was frustrated by all of this, and _he _thought it was all a _dream._

Perhaps it was time to set that misconception straight?

"Sora," I began, looking sideways at him. "You need to know some things."

"Like how this isn't a dream?"

I nodded. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"It's increasingly obvious. First of all, this is too organized to be a dream. My dreams are always random, and I just _watch _them. You know…like you watch a video. But I'm living this dream, and…I know that to anyone else this would sound crazy, but I know you won't think so…I've _seen _these places before. I've never been to Twilight Town, but I _know _that clock tower. I've never been to Wonderland, but I _remember _having to push that bed aside."

He sighed. "I'm not going to pretend to _understand _all of this, but…for now, I can accept it. And then later I'll make Roxas explain it to me, since you don't seem to like me too much."

I was partly surprised, partly admiring. Last time around, he hadn't been so quick or precise. But again, I had to remind myself that he _wasn't _the Sora from last time. I laughed quietly. "I guess you could say that. But then again, I don't _hate _you. I just don't really like anyone."

"Except Roxas."

I _did _catch the sharp tone in his voice, and I grinned. "Yeah. Except Roxas."

"You were…involved, weren't you?"

I turned my head slightly and raised an eyebrow. "That isn't strange to you?"

"Roxas has never been what people might call 'normal,' Axel. I see how you look at him. How _he _looks at _you. _I don't remember you, and I've met everyone he has, but I'd have to be _comatose _not to notice what's happening with my own _twin. _When he said you were a jerk, I believed him, but not because he's right or wrong. He's my brother, and I care about _him. _So if you did something to hurt him, then that makes you a jerk."

"Pretty sharp, Sora."

"I _do _have some questions for _you, _though."

I shrugged. "Maybe I'll answer them."

"I'll take what I can get," he replied dryly. "Now…first of all, tell me what _exactly _you want from my brother."

I had to hand it to him; the kid was good. "Nothing specific. I spent a _long _time searching for him, and…I didn't end up finding him, until now. I guess you could say I just _want _your brother, and for once there's nothing hidden there. I just want the Roxas I lost back then."

"And if _he_ doesn't want _you…_what will you do?"

I opened my mouth, but then I paused. What _would _I do? I'd never really given it much thought. Even _last _time…I'd never _asked _if he wanted me. I'd never even taken _his _opinion into account.

"I…don't know."

"I suggest you figure it out, then. I'm pretty sure I know what Roxas' heart says. But do _you?"_

I was about to respond, but he cut me off. "Just think about it. Now, I have a couple more questions. How long have you known me?"

I raised an eyebrow. "That's an odd phrasing."

"No it isn't. I just want to know how you'll answer the question."

"Technically, I've only known you for a couple of days. I've known _about _you since I was sixteen; a little over a year. And…hmm. I guess I can't really answer that question properly…"

"…Without telling me what Roxas refuses to tell me. I get it. So then, next question. How long have you known _Roxas?"_

"I've known him for about two years. For three months, I wanted to be more than just 'best friends,' but I never said anything. Then, he…I lost him. And I didn't find him again until now…ugh, this is hard to explain and I'm really not in the mood for word games."

"Good, because I'm not either. So…next question. _Why _can't you tell me what you're not telling me? I know this has to do with the strange things you both do when you think no one's watching."

I frowned. "There's no reason for me, really. Roxas probably has his own personal reasons, but _I _think it would be easier on _all _parties if you were just clued in. Now, _I _have a question for _you."_

"Shoot."

"Why are you the only one out here, at three-thirty in the morning, if your mother's such a fragile worrywart?"

"She…doesn't live with us. No one does. When we lived in Destiny Islands, our dad was alive. He was a little like Roxas…but he loved our mom. And then he…you know…um, he had an accident. Mom has been in the hospital ever since she had her second stroke; they recommended the one here in Radiant Garden because they have a better program here. We had to come out here so we can by with our mom; Riku's family owns the condo we're living in."

I sighed. "Man, you guys have always had the worst luck."

"Not really. Anyway, I have a question for you. What _exactly _did you do that hurt my brother so bad?"

I met his eyes. "I really have no idea."

* * *

We left right after our semi-awkward conversation, and when we walked through the door we found ourselves pinned by narrowed blue eyes. "What are you two doing," Roxas asked quietly.

"Looking for _you," _Sora responded, sounding a little grouchy. "You didn't come home."

"I had a lot of thinking to do. What's Axel doing here?"

"I called him, because he seems to know you, and he's…well, he's like you. I thought maybe he'd know where to find you. And we searched all over, Roxas. China…India…Wonderland…oh, god. Wonderland. I went to Wonderland. I hope you're prepared to explain things tomorrow morning, Roxas; because not only am I exhausted from looking for you, but we have school at ten o'clock and I just got back from a _world tour._ I'm going to bed."

Sora walked into his room and shut the door behind him, leaving me with his _very _unhappy twin.

"You _took _him to _Wonderland, _Axel," he hissed. "You took him _through _the _darkness _around the _world?"_

"You were _missing," _I reminded him through gritted teeth. "I _tried _to make him let me go after you alone, but he insisted on coming and honestly, you're more important to me than he is. If you've bothered to remember, _he's _the reason I lost you the _first _time."

"And he's the reason I even exist at _all," _he shot back. "He went through a _lot _of crap for me before we died, and he actually _cared, _even though he probably shouldn't have. He stood _up _for me, to _Riku. _You know…the one who fucked us both over in order to make it possible for Sora to wake up in the _first _place."

"You could at least tell my why you're so _angry, _Roxas. I don't have the slightest _clue _what you're so upset about, and you're not making the answers easy to find. Do I have to _beat _it out of you?"

"Because that's worked so many times before, right? You can't beat me, Axel, because you can't really _fight _me. And guess what? I can't fight you either, because…well, whatever. But it doesn't matter, does it?"

"See…this is the kind of thing I'm talking about! You're speaking in tongues, and I don't speak this particular dialect of Gibberish. For _once, _just be straight with me."

"That's rich, coming from you."

I grabbed his forearms and held them tightly. "I'm not going to pretend, Roxas. I've twisted plenty of things, even when talking to you. But I've _never _lied about what I want from you."

"What about what _I _want, hmm? Have you ever even _asked _me what I want?"

"No, I haven't. So what do you say? What _do _you want?"

He looked at the floor. "I don't know, Axel…just go."

I let go of his forearms and stepped into the darkness.

* * *

The next day was C day.

At ten, when school started, I had a literature class (with Zexion, which would've been hell if we'd just met again) I'd signed up for so I'd get enough points to graduate. Then lunch – today, since we only had two classes, it wasn't during class.

Then, I had world geography with Sora; it was awkward, but not as much as it could've been. He just gave me a _look, _one which told me he didn't understand but he was trying anyway.

"Roxas didn't come to school with me," he told me after school, catching me on my way to tryouts for the school play.

It was kind of a punishment; in a moment of frustration, I'd accidentally set the curtains on fire. Since it was a one-time thing and they had no _proof _that it had been me, I was forced to work on the play. Set work and scenery wasn't my thing…so I was going to try out for an actual _part, _because that would be easier than boring grunt work.

"Oh?"

"Yeah…he said he needed time to think. Otherwise, he would've been in the literature class this morning."

I gave him an odd look; it wasn't very real, since I wasn't frightened or weirded out or anything, but almost everything was for show anyway. "How do you know what class I had?"

"I was in it too," he replied flatly. "You were just too busy inside your own head to notice."

"…Oh."

"Listen," he continued in a softer tone. "Roxas is…really confused right now. Sometimes Mom jokes that we're one heart in two bodies, because we're so emotionally connected; obviously, it's _just _a joke, but I _can _tell how he feels. Just…give him time, okay? Sometimes, it's almost like…you're the one he's been missing all this time."

I frowned confusedly, but he shook his head. "It's not my story to tell. Roxas is a loner; he always has been. He just needs time to figure this out, without outside pressure."

"Thanks so much for talking about me _behind my back _to the guy who _started _this mess," a flat voice said, and I glanced to the side.

Roxas was standing a few feet away – had I already lost the ability to sense him? – with his arms folded and eyes narrowed, frowning at Sora. His brother didn't look ashamed or anything, which earned him a couple more points.

"Well, you weren't saying anything. I care about you, Rox; I just wanted to help you _and _him."

"You've got a funny way of showing that 'care,' Sora," he muttered.

This time, Sora looked hurt. He turned to leave. "I…I'll see you at home."

We both watched Sora walk away, and then I turned to Roxas. "That was mean, you know. He really _was _just trying-"

"Never thought I'd see the day you'd pick _Sora _over _me," _he mocked. "Aren't you two just getting cozy? What…are you friends with _him, _now? Is _that _why you did that…because he's more important than me?"

I clenched my fist and sighed in aggravation. "Roxas, just say what you're thinking. _I don't get it. _You're jerking me around, and I'm running out of energy. I can only hold on for so long."

And there it was again. The dead fish look. I was _sure _he'd turn away again, and leave me to wonder. Instead, he stepped right up to me and pulled me down to eye level. At first, I thought he was going to kiss me…but he didn't. Instead, he whispered, "If you ever burn on purpose again, I _will _hate you forever. Take your own advice and commit _this _to memory."

And _then _he kissed me – a brief, passionate kiss which had me reeling but was over too quickly for me to respond. I reached out for him, but he was already out of my range. I looked toward the auditorium, noting the stream of students hoping for a part, and cursed. Rushing in, I managed to catch the drama teacher.

"Listen," I said quickly, "I was going to try out but something really urgent came up. Just…sign me up for set work, will you? I don't have time to try out."

He took in my rushed state and my probably distraught expression, and he shook his head. "We're having makeup auditions tomorrow. If you're not there, I'll sign you up for set work."

I thanked him and rushed out of the auditorium, stepping into the restroom and stepping out in Roxas' living room.

"Axel, why are you here," Sora asked, giving me a disapproving frown.

"Because I _have _to talk to Roxas. I _have _to. I don't care what you say; I'm not leaving until he talks to me."

"Well…at least you're willing to fight for him," he mused. Somehow, I understood that this was a test, and I _wasn't _going to fail it. "I'll be in my room, and I'll know if something goes wrong."

I didn't question that.

Soon, I heard the sound of the door opening, and Roxas was _there._

* * *

I caught his shoulders and pulled him into me, burying my face in his hair. He had the same smell, even after being recycled. He didn't struggle; he just sagged into me, like he had no more energy.

After a few moments, he asked, "Why are you here?"

"Because I can't be anywhere else. You're…Roxas, when I saw you two days ago, I was so relieved you were there, and I was so afraid you wouldn't remember me. And then the first thing you said to me wasn't even _hello; _you called me an insensitive bastard, and I had no idea what you were talking about. I _still _don't.

But I don't really care what you think of me…as long as you do. I mean, obviously, I'd really rather you think good things about me, but I just…I don't think I could handle knowing you and knowing you don't know me. Not again. I'm tired of chasing after you, Roxas, but I'll do it anyway because I can't handle not having you again, not when you're right here.

Goddamn it…I _can _say this now, because it's true. I…I love you. I know it probably makes no sense to an outsider, because it honestly doesn't make much sense to me. And I really don't care about that either. Just…tell me I'm not alone in this."

He laughed humorlessly. "Of course not. Why do you think I'm so upset in the first place, you idiot?"

I pushed him away a bit so I could hold his shoulders and look at his face. "I really don't know that. You never told me what this is all about."

He looked away. "You…you basically killed yourself for Sora. I get that you were frustrated, and I get that you even cared, kinda. But how d'you think it felt, standing there, watching you burn away and not even able to kiss you one last time? That was when I woke up enough to step outside Sora.

I…right before I left, you made it seem like you were okay with everything, and you _promised _you wouldn't do anything stupid…that you'd kill me if the job was offered. But when you did it to yourself instead, that really _hurt, _and until we died, I was _still _upset and Sora _still _wished he could take it away. Take the pain away from _me. _He didn't have to do _anything _for me…shouldn't have done anything for me…but he still wanted to. He still _cared."_

I pulled him close again and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "You never _told _me it was about you; you always talked about the Organization, and staying in Never Was _for the Organization, _and if you'd told me it was personal I might've asked you to come with me. I _want _to hate you, Axel, because you're really stupid. But I can't, because I love you. I guess…I was scared too. Scared you didn't love _me,_ or even resented me because I was the reason you gave up everything else."

"You're such an idiot."

We stood there for a while. I don't even know how long it was; we didn't speak or move, but I just held him around the shoulders and he buried his face in my chest. When Sora came out of his room, he sighed and said quietly, "It's getting late. You're welcome to stay, Axel, if you have everything settled."

And finally, I could see why Roxas was so attached to him. Even though he didn't understand _any _of this, he understood anyway. And he supported it, even.

Roxas took my hand and pulled me into his bedroom, and finally – _finally – _I got what I wanted: to fall asleep beside him, and wake up tangled together.

The whole clothing thing was a little irritating, but we were still young. We could work on that.

(Just so you know...we did.)

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
